It's not you it's me

I do realize it's been over a month (eeks! 6 weeks?) since my stint in Bethel.  And somehow I managed to leave you all (if you all are out there) in the dark as to my success at getting home in a timely fashion.  Well, put your fears to rest.  I was not stranded in Bethel secondary to ice fog.  In fact, all flights were on time and I got safely back to Seattle with my frozen smoked king salmon in my carry on (a parting gift from my wards doc partner that he smoked himself).

I had the following two weeks off of Seattle work, which was blissful.  It made me realize (something that I kind of already knew) that Bethel would be an amazing gig long term if it weren't for the difficulty in being there (lonely, cold, dark as it is) and being so far away from the ol' loved ones.  The high risk OB doctor was on my flight from Bethel to Anchorage.  He lives permanently in Anchorage but spends 2 weeks in Bethel, then 3 weeks off.  His kids are older, which makes this a much more feasible schedule.  It got me thinking if that would ever work for me.  Clearly this plan is many, many years off, but it did at least give me a small light of hope at the end of the tunnel called primary care, that at some point I may really enjoy my job.

Which brings us to the present. My current Seattle locums gig is fizzling out due to budgetary issues on the part of the health system which shall remain nameless (though likely many health systems these days could be filled into that blank).  Aside from the fact that my current position will cease to be in existence come January 2013, the unpredictability of my schedule this past year has become unsustainable.  With daycare certain days, and no guarantee of working those days weekly, I'd had enough of the juggling and shuffling that had been a daily reality for our family.  

Starting in January I'll be at a new clinic, part time, as a regular, predictably scheduled primary care doc.  I have mixed feelings about this upcoming change.  It feels as though I've had about a thousand new jobs these past 2.5 years since graduating residency.  Granted, I sought out many of those positions because they were temporary. But still.  I feel like primary care and I have been in a long tumultuous relationship, and I just want to say, "it's not you, it's me."  I'm beginning to wonder, though.  Is it me?

Hence, my trepidation at starting yet another position.  But I am trying to stay optimistic, and plan to start with an open mind (and an open panel of patients sure to challenge me).  Hopefully this one will stick.  I always was a serial monogamist.